"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for...the conviction of things not seen..."

Well well well, 2009 is over. I look back and notice that it was a year of the highest, most beautiful times in my life, and the lowest, most painful valleys. It confuses me because everything this year was connected and I guess in light of that, I'm not really sure what to expect of this year. I feel that if I hope for all of the good things, the bad will inevitably happen, and if I just expect it to be a hard year, then it will be pretty good no matter what. But there's no faith in that. Haha, welcome to my mind.

Ultimately I've decided that the highest way is always faith. It says in Hebrews 11 that without it it is impossible to please God. And if I've realized anything about myself this year, it's that I was made to please Him. I feel completely empty and hopeless when my mind and heart are not set on being a pleasing aroma to Him. When I say "please," I do not mean the performance thing that turns into pride so easily, but it is that hunger and thirst to do anything to be close to Him and to be used by Him.

After this year, I kinda feel empty. I feel like I have nothing right now if I don't have Him. That's what I don't get. I know that He gave us free will and everything, but sometimes I think that more and more, I have less and less free will. He's after me and somehow, He leaves me no choice. It's like, why would I choose slavery to the freedom I find in the corral and in His training. He## ya it sucks, but after I'm done complaining, HE shows me once again how much better His way is and seems to command me to choose to keep walking. The funny thing is...I so love it like that. He gets all the credit for my freedom that way...haha, oh I so love how He works.

Anyway, once again He's drawn me back to the simplicity of Him. Everything seems so difficult and confusing and draining and frustrating, but He created me to only find peace when I'm abiding in Him.

So there's my peace...that's what I gained this year. But then there's that word hope. If you know me at all you know that I kinda have a thing for that word. The funny thing is that of all things, this year I feel like I've lost hope. But then I remember Hebrews 11. Hope and faith walk hand in hand...it's not just about hanging on and finding peace in chaos, but choosing to believe Him. When I have no hope, He has it for me. I hope in who He is...and that hope is gained by knowing Him.

So from peace to faith and hope I go. New Years Eve day I was a little anxious about this new year, but I'm choosing to believe that He really does make all things work together for HIS good, which is my good.

I can't believe the things that He's sown into me...He is so gooooooddddddd...sometimes that's all I can say...I release faith and hope to you too- In Jesus' name, Amen :) lol

Happy New Year