Now for the real post...lol...I had to get those lyrics off my chest.

I feel like everything is upside down. I start obeying Him thinking what I'm doing is for the best and suddenly, right when I think I'm finally experiencing the freedom that comes with obedience, He turns the tables...and the heat...all the way up.

Oh man...He truly does work in completely mysterious ways. And I'm sorry, but it is so frustrating sometimes. I think it's frustrating that I can't figure Him out...I can't put Him in my box...I can't make a list of "ways to please God so I can feel good about myself." This reveals a deeper pride issue in me...big shocker there. Sure there are specific things that attract Him, but if I try to figure out how to please Him by my obedience and forced joy, it's a completely filthy scent to Him. It's the scent of self-sufficiency- the odor of self-obsession.

Wow! If there's one thing He LOVES, it's humility...it's need. He said that He opposes the proud...He literally turns away from those who choose to live on their own and out of their own strength. So my brokenness is a pleasant aroma to Him...my love and and the simple joy that comes from knowing Him give Him pleasure...the smile that forms on my face when I think of how good He is to me makes Him leap for joy.

Selah...

Okay...that wasn't what I wanted to write about...but there it is...

Back to the upside down-ness. I am so conflicted right now. I am so angry that I have no idea what my future looks like...I am unnerved that I have no idea what my major is.

BUT...I realized a week or so ago that I was not made for this earthly reality...in fact none of us were, but when I have this level of truth that has been sowed into me, how can I expect to find a calling that fits on the list of jobs this world has to offer?

My passions are of a heavenly nature...unmatched by any passion man has in and of himself. This is unbelievably exciting...but also extremely frightening. More and more I'm realizing that I may never attain "the American dream." I always wanted to be wealthy and have a home on the water in Carmel or something like that. I wanted to have beautiful cars and the freedom to travel at will. I haven't completely abandoned those dreams (lol...believe me...I'll take the house), but is not His dream for me so much more?

All of my passions are so conflicting...travel, music, music, music, art, home, food, people, people, people, people encountering Jesus, Jesus light invading darkness, weddings, family, friends, emo kids, frightened slumbering Christians, stars, sunsets, intercession, mission...etc etc etc...

I don't know of a job that encapsulates all those, and I don't know if I want to

The adventure is alluring me more than I ever wanted to be...Jesus help me trust you

HE IS GOOD!!!!!!!!!! Okey doke...I have a lot more to say but I'll save it :)